Who hasn’t had regrets about relationships? In my circle of friends and relatives, I cannot think of even one who’s been spared, exempted. No matter how kind a person is, having regrets over some failed relationships is an inevitable fact of life.
Why? Because we are all imperfect. We’ve all hurt others, and others have hurt us.
Intentionally or not. We’ve all been there – as the victim or the abuser. But a horrible future awaits us if we’ve hurt more people than we’ve helped.
Broken family relationships are the most lethal, if you ask me. Disastrously for some of us, we breathed in our first lungful of air in a totally rotten family environment. I’m deliberately choosing the word “rotten” over “dysfunctional.”
I think the word “dysfunctional” is a cold, convenient, clinical euphemism that became a buzz word because it efficiently covered up the brutality and bestiality of domestic wars and tortures.
How flippantly we now say that someone came from a “dysfunctional home” – not realizing that this label easily allows us to gloss over the terror, the horror, the gory details of a horrible childhood that can destroy a person’s life.
If you came from a horrible home and grew up with consistently cruel, selfish parents or family members, you’re bound to have a series of broken relationships in life – relationships ravaged by the cruel, hurtful things you absorb and also inflict on others because you think they’re “normal.”
For instance, when you lash out and hurt someone, you think it’s normal. You think nothing of it. Hurting others is like a reflex action to you. And your victims either take it – or don’t. They either stay and hate you. Or they leave and hate you.
Either way, no matter how “successful” you become, you end up empty. Miserable. Bitter. Because God will always, always add sorrow to whatever “success” you’ve achieved. Count on it. Why? Because God never rewards sinful behavior.
It’s not melodrama. It’s life that’s being imitated by telenovelas. The hysterics, the kicking, punching and slapping around we see on TV or in the movies might look exaggerated – but to some of us who’ve witnessed more violent domestic quarrels, they might even look tame.
I say that because once, I was watching an extremely violent domestic scene (in a movie) with a friend, and I casually commented – “My goodness. Napaka-OA naman.”
To which my friend quickly retorted, “They’re not OA. That’s nothing, compared to what my parents did to us. For decades.”
Dead silence after that. I was speechless. “Dumbfounded“ seems to be a good word for it. I was shocked to the very core because my friend is an exceptionally good mom. One of the kindest I know.
In that movie house, I found myself crying silently, the pain in my throat so intense that I almost gagged right there.
I cannot, cannot tell you how much I admire my friend.
So what am I saying? Having rotten, horrible parents or siblings is never, never an excuse to be a rotten, horrible person yourself. My friend is proof of that.
There are family members, friends, colleagues, etc. who have hurt us.
Ever been backstabbed, betrayed, or cheated by a sibling or a “close friend”?
Ever been ignored, betrayed or abandoned by someone you helped up the ladder of success?
Ever been two-timed by your spouse and best friend?!! (I know this sounds like it only happens in the movies but believe me, it happens quite often in real life.)
Ever been rejected by your family or barkada in your time of need?
Ever been eased out of a position by a “friend” you trusted, even helped in the past?
Ever been attacked in front of a “friend” or sibling who didn’t even try to defend you or stand up for you? Even when you’ve stood up for him/her many times?
Do you have a family member or friend who just keeps asking favors and things from you, yet hardly gives you anything in return? They appreciate others, but take you for granted?
Or worse – have you ever done any of these unspeakable things to others? To your family or friends?
It’s not enough to regret what we’ve done to others. Once we know we’ve hurt or wronged someone, we must do something pro-active to reverse, to repair, to lessen the damage we’ve done –the best we can.
Tragically, some things are irreparable. But if we sincerely want to make amends, we ought to redress, offer repayment, proffer restitution. These are healing actions, not just good intentions.
When we reach out to ask forgiveness for hurting someone, we are healed. When we reach out to do the best kind of restitution we can, we will be healed.
When we break the ugly mold we grew up in and choose, instead, to be compassionate, honest and just (no matter what our background was), then we will be healed.
More than that, by our example, we will help others to heal.
Jesus is The Key. We must ask Him to help us restore broken relationships and make restitution for the hurts we’ve inflicted on others. Only then will we enjoy real peace and success – because God will add no sorrow to it!
“It is the blessing of the Lord that makes us rich, and He adds no sorrow to it.” Proverbs 10:22. Please look it up.
