By Atty. Bernice Joana Piñol-Rodriguez
Being a mom has always been my life-long dream but when I actually became one, it’s tougher than I imagined. To be honest, pregnancy and childbirth are more grueling than preparing for and taking the Philippine Bar Exams. The immense blessing of having a child in my womb came with the worst nausea, migraine, backpain, mood swings, insomnia, insane food cravings, and almost every awful symptom you can possibly think of. Add to that the swollen wrists and feet which can be debilitating at times.
Despite the numerous challenges during pregnancy, I carried on with my work. I would take on client meetings and consultations and then throw up immediately after. With much effort I still appeared in Court managing to look composed and polished, trying my hardest to conduct cross-examinations as if I was not about to faint from nausea and immense fatigue. The struggle was real.
In the last week of August 2023, my due date finally came. After 32 hours of induced labor, my beautiful boy was brought out into the world. It was undeniably the happiest and most fulfilling day of my life. I never felt more complete.
Even as my heart was brimming with indescribable joy, my body was physically reeling to recover from an emergency C-Section. No one can sufficiently warn you or prepare you enough for the overwhelming challenges that uniquely come with motherhood–sleepless nights, the difficulty of breastfeeding, understanding and navigating a newborn’s different cries and needs, not to mention dealing with the pain you’re still going through. To be blessed with a hands-on and supportive husband was incredible but I’m not going to lie, the first few weeks after delivery were still brutal for a first-time mother.
A month postpartum found me back at work and arguing in court again. As I run a solo practice, to be on “complete maternity leave” hardly ever happens especially when deadlines remain unforgiving.
A few days after resuming my legal work was when “mom brain” and I had our first encounter. A term commonly used to describe the memory haze of postpartum mothers, I used to think it was imaginary until I began to read and learn more about it. My actual experience of the “mom brain,” had me fully convinced that the condition really does exist and that I wasn’t alone. My own episode happened when I blacked out in the middle of an explanation during a client conference call. I slurred and slurred a lot. I kept interchanging “he” with “she” as well as “him” and “her.” Finding myself constantly spaced out, I needed extra concentration to even understand what I was reading. So disheartened by this lack of focus, I went crying to my husband and told him “I’m not smart anymore. I’m not sharp anymore.”
What followed were weeks of discouragement as I saw my work performance suffer because of my physical and emotional state. I hardly recognized myself as my days became consumed with the concerns of a newborn and how I desperately wanted to be the best mother for him. It felt like the more I strove to be a better mom, the worse I was at being a lawyer. I often rehashed my past career achievements as it seemed to me that I was no longer the same feisty, confident and perceptive lawyer that I used to be.
My confused mind was filled with anxiety and frustration. There appeared to be no hope in sight for me career-wise. The dark ditch that I felt I was in had me trapped in a corner and left me not knowing what to do–let go of my career to focus on motherhood and recovery, or dedicate more of my time to work and power through my legal practice? The choice felt like an impossible one to make.
Then I took a step back. Paused. Prayed. Meditated. And in the next few weeks, resolved to get myself out of the slump I was in.
The process was slow and steady but I eventually pierced through the dark cloud. I began to feel like myself again and regained my mental and physical health.
Instead of dreading the mental haze and condemning myself for it, I began to positively embrace and love my Mom Brain. I understood that the mental sluggishness and annoying forgetfulness are but temporary. In the fourth or fifth month postpartum as I was getting more sleep, my physical and mental exhaustion lessened a bit, making my thoughts so much clearer. I’ve begun to look at Mom Brain in a brand-new light. It has shown me that the physical and psychological trauma a woman endures through child delivery can actually make her postpartum brain more resilient, focused, and stronger. I personally noticed that I have better mental stamina to handle pressure and high levels of stress now and can somehow look at work issues more objectively than before. I panic less and solve problems more efficiently.
If I were to do this again, however, I would give myself more time to rest and recover.
Every woman’s experience will be different but generally, at least three to six months should be dedicated for child care and self care after a child’s delivery. One of my learnings is that there is no virtue in “bouncing back” immediately after giving birth. The idea of skipping maternity leave to jump right into the workforce merely a few weeks postpartum is not one to be glorified. We ought to stop shaming the women who admit to being weak and vulnerable after child birth and allow them time to process and fully heal before reviving their careers should they choose to.
I’ve also learned that being a loving and hands-on mother are not mutually exclusive to a thriving career. I did not have to choose, I simply had to prioritize. And because I wanted to be both a present Mom and an excellent lawyer, I started to craft a work-life balance that reflects that.
Improving my work from home and virtual law firm setup has allowed me to be home with my son everyday while making trips to my Makati office only for important meetings. Hiring more people that I could delegate tasks to, in addition to subscribing to a software service, enables me to spend quality time with my young family. Conversely, I found ways to improve my legal practice with intentional efforts to sharpen my mind and widen my knowledge base by taking specialized law classes. I also humbled myself and conceded that I can’t do it all and I eventually hired a full-time nanny who ably assists me as we take turns in caring for my baby. This has hugely helped me do well at work and deliver quality legal service, while being able to nurture my son in the best way I can.
I thought that postpartum life would stifle my legal career or completely end it. I was indeed wrong. As I shifted my perspective about the season I was in, I became alive again.
Motherhood, when truly embraced along with its set of challenges and pain, can fully inspire, empower and enrich a woman’s career like no other. It sure did for me.
My eyes have been opened to the beauty and madness that is motherhood and lawyering.
It can be overwhelming sometimes, but on most days, I love it. I love taking care of my baby at home and being able to live out the profession I enjoy. I know not everyone has this privilege and I truly am grateful to be given the opportunity to choose both motherhood and my career. Balancing the postpartum life and work is one of the hardest things a woman can go through but it’s not impossible. With the right amount of selfcare, a solid support system (thank you, husband!), a dedicated time for reflection, and a whole lot of love for my baby, it can be done. To the working mom reading this–know that countless women are thriving in this beautiful, messy terrain we call motherhood and career. And you can do the same.
