Recently I was listening to a colleague grouse about someone. I felt bad listening to her ranting about her friend who she was obviously so annoyed with. She didn’t name names, and I didn’t want to guess who. But I felt she was also saying it because the “guilty party” was there. In Tagalog, we call it “parinig.” It wasn’t a pleasant experience.
Segue to now…
One thing I’m learning about friendship – focus on your friends’ good qualities, not their bad ones.
We often dwell on the things our friends do that irritate us. How easily we forget the good things they’ve done for us! Human nature is selfish and ungrateful. We often have a short memory for the good others have done for us.
So I made a commitment, years ago, that whenever I’m irritated or annoyed by a friend, I quickly shift my focus. I try to remember the good things this friend has done for me.
And voila! Just like that, my critical spirit vanishes! I find myself grateful for my friend. And the annoying things s/he does become minor.
It’s not to be in denial. It’s not to minimize or excuse their faults or character defects. It’s to know their weaknesses, and yet put MORE value on their sterling qualities. I guess that’s being realistic AND positive.
That’s how Jesus was with people.
God also reminds me – “Well what about all your annoying quirks, Cata? What if I just focused on your annoying quirks? What if your annoying quirks are WORSE than your friends’?!!!”
How totally embarrassing. To God, most of all.
So – let’s learn to focus on the good qualities of our friends. Stay real AND positive.
I don’t always succeed, but I keep trying. Because – what we sow, we will surely reap.
And I strongly believe that if we choose to think well of our friends, we will experience – more profoundly – their supreme value as human beings.
is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” (Philippians 4:8)
