There are people who are absolutely draining to be with. Bitter people, for one, can literally suck the joy out of you. Engage in a 10-minute conversation with a bitter person and he’ll drag you down with him to a murky, bottomless pit. You’ll be listening to an endless litany of criticisms and complaints. Now, if you find yourself agreeing strongly with a bitter person and enjoying his company, then you just might be one yourself.
Bitterness is a serious psychological concern. It lowers the immune system. It fogs up the brain. It can make you an extremely disliked person, a social pariah. Someone who’s acerbic, often nasty and sarcastic. It can make you isolated and anti-social because you’ll find fault in everyone you meet. It can cause severe depression.
What happens when we are angry and bitter?
“The first trigger of anger activates an organ of the brain called the amygdala, activating the hypothalamus, which signals the pituitary gland, releasing a hormone that affects the adrenal gland’s stress hormones: cortisol, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.”
We know that an oversupply of cortisol leads to depression. It renders us inutile. “It can also cause heart disease, lung issues, obesity, anxiety… and more.” No wonder bitter people have many health issues – many times, the root cause of which is bitterness, anger.
Doctors just treat the symptoms of illnesses cause by anger and bitterness. If the root cause remains untreated, one can actually die from bitterness – disguised in many forms of diseases.
No wonder the Bible sternly warns us against bitterness:
“…Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.” (Hebrews 12: 15b)
Based on this verse, it says that bitterness is poisonous. It’s deeply-rooted, and will cause us problems. It will corrupt/poison – not just affect – many others around us.
For example, bitter parents raise up children who are embittered themselves. They’ll cause conflicts, division, malice, slander, gossip, strife, and a whole slew of other social problems because that’s what they grew up with.
Why? Because bitterness is caught rather than taught. Try living with a bitter person for a month – you’ll either get drained, sick, fatigued. Or you’ll be whining and complaining, backstabbing and creating intrigue in your little corner of the world by the end of the month. Bitterness is lethal and contagious.
Bitterness is mental state that causes what’s clinically called “embitterment” – an emotional state of feeling let down, of feeling abused or exploited. It’s harboring a deep, gnawing resentment and disappointment that no one can assuage or remove but the person himself.
Bitterness is an inner, all-consuming rage – but it’s different from anger in the sense that a bitter person stews over things that he’s unable to change. While an angry person can actually do damage, destroy and annihilate – if they choose to. Bitterness has no other outlet but to eat up itself, like cancer eats up a living organism.
How do you know that you’re a bitter person?
If you’re always harping at the bad things that someone did to you- a person, an organization, anyone who you think abused you, fooled you, cheated you, gave you a raw deal.
If you’re generally negative about everything. Find satisfaction in finding fault, being a know-it-all who criticizes people or things.
If you like to put down people, embarrass them, emasculate them, make them feel useless and stupid.
If you’re a wet blanket. A party pooper. You always complain and find something wrong with anything – and you make sure you announce it so that it spoils things for others.
If you love to create conflicts, divisions, intrigues.
And then blame others for being so negative or divisive.
If you find JOY in the misfortunes of others, and delight in telling others about it.
If you resent any kind of success you see in others. It’s not just envy – it’s also bitterness when you think they don’t deserve it (even if they do), and they shouldn’t have it.
If you blame others for your wrong choices, missed opportunities, lack of talent, wealth, looks, influence. It’s always someone’s fault, not yours. Or God is not fair. He didn’t make you rich, smart, good-looking or charming enough. He’s not giving you the breaks you need. He blesses others but just gives you crumbs.
If you won’t praise people for anything good that they’ve done. Not even for looking good.
Very stingy with praise and encouragement. I think that bitterness creates extreme insecurity, too.
These are just some of the tell-tale signs of bitterness that I’ve seen in myself and others.
It’s such a miserable condition to be in because we OURSELVES choose to live in such a pitiable state of mental squalor, depravity, and misery. In so doing, we reject blessings, grace, and favor from God.
We also miss out on being a blessing to others, and in return, being blessed by them.
Next week we will discuss how we can uproot the poisonous root of bitterness from our lives.
Start by doing a fierce self- evaluation: am I a bitter person or not? If yes, Why in the world am I bitter?
