‘In a world where everything is instant, writing letters is a refreshing pause’
DO you have a pen pal?
The idea of having a friend with whom one regularly exchanges only letters must seem anachronistic in the age of smartphones, the internet, Facebook, Instagram, Messenger, Zoom and Twitter (or X). But in my youth, a favorite hobby of young people was nurturing and maintaining pen pals or pen friends.
The dictionary defines a pen pal as “a person with whom one becomes friendly by exchanging letters, especially someone in a foreign country whom one has never met.”
Sure enough, there was a special cachet to having a pen friend from a foreign land which one probably will never get to see. It was all done by “snail mail” and part of the excitement was anticipating what the weekly post would bring.
Finding pen pals became so popular in those old-fashioned times that newspapers and magazines even maintained sections devoted to bringing strangers together called “Wanted Pen Pals.” You only need choose from among the names listed with their corresponding addresses, write a letter to introduce yourself and if you get a reply, it could be the start of a friendship. Pen pals do not necessarily mean persons from another country. I have known Filipinos who had pen pals from other provinces in the country. Likewise, pen pals are not only for adults. Someone told me her younger brother who was then still in elementary school exchanged letters with another kid from the US.
While some have found their ideal life partner in a pen pal after years of exchanging letters, many pen pals remain just that–pen friends. Someone of like mind with whom a young person could communicate, exchange ideas, bits of news, gossip, events in one’s life. Or with pen pals from other parts of the world, perhaps learn about another culture, a new language, even travel to visit and explore.
But some pen friendships do end in marriage. After years of writing to each other (they met through a mutual friend), Lambert to Manila to see his pen pal Nina. They arranged to meet at the Luneta Park but there were no sparks initially. The first meeting was followed by another and another. They had breakfast at Aristocrat, toured historic Intramuros, and took the slow ride on the triple-deck motorco, the tour bus that plied the famed Dewey Blvd. Then Lambert had to fly back to Cebu. Their exchange of letters continued and in time they learned to gradually trust each other. After a year, it was Nina’s turn to fly to Cebu upon his invitation. They toured and visited the sites in the city. He took her to meet his parents who immediately warmed up to Nina. When she flew back to Manila, both were reluctant to let go of each other at the airport. Sparks had flown!
The two had become fond of each other; soon their letters took a romantic turn. A year after, Lambert flew to Manila again for a short visit. Then it was Nina’s turn to introduce him to her parents. After that meeting, Lambert finally decided that he wanted more than friendship. Before he flew back to Cebu, he proposed to Nina who accepted his offer. Before the year ended, they were engaged. Soon after, they planned to get married.
At the famed San Agustin Church in Intramuros, they had a simple wedding. I stood as maid of honor at their wedding.
But not all pen pal friendships have happy endings. Mita, who was based in San Diego, California, had a pen pal from Germany. When she finished her MBA, her parents gave her a European trip as a gift. The tour, however, did not include Germany. Upon learning that she was travelling to Europe and that Germany was not in her itinerary, her German pen pal sent her a ticket so she could visit him. They had a blast touring Hamburg. He even brought her to their chalet to introduce her to his Mother. He urged her to stay but Mita had other plans. He offered to buy her a car so they could travel to other parts of Germany.
She thought about this but in the end declined, thinking was he was trying to buy her off?
It was a friendship gone awry.
What can I say? Perhaps a pen pal friendship is not the best place to look for a life partner.
Having a pen pal can create lifetime bonds, not necessarily of a romantic or connubial kind.
The wonderful way about having a pen pal in your youth is that it helps you connect with life in a meaningful way. You can make friendships and create lifelong bonds with people you have never even met. Writing letters to a friend allows you not only to know yourself and express your feelings but understand the life and ways of others who live in different countries and cultures.
I would even say it is an inescapable part of that journey we make from youth to adulthood.
