It’s normal for us to be focused on ourselves and our small circle of loved ones. That’s our default mode. On the other hand, it’s “abnormal” for us to think of the well-being of others before our own.
Ego is a tenacious master.
To curb this distasteful tendency, we must make it a habit to personally GIVE something GOOD (time, talent, treasure) to someone outside our family or small circle of loved ones, every day. Whether we’re having a good day or not. That way, we get to spread goodness around — despite our innate selfishness and propensity to calibrate our kindness with convenience and hidden agendas.
If you think you’re Unselfish by nature, then this isn’t for you.
One major cause of depression is self-preoccupation. When we’re obsessed with ourselves, we tend to focus on the things that we want, the things we don’t have, the things others have that we want for ourselves, and other barriers to our happiness. This self-preoccupation is debilitating.
But just to be clear, depression is caused by many things – it can be a medical condition that needs professional care. What we’re talking about here is self-inflicted depression that comes from self-absorption.
One time, I was traveling alone to the US to attend a conference. I abhor traveling alone, so I was quite depressed as I waited to board the plane. There was this thick pall of gloom around me that I could almost touch.
On the plane, I was seated beside a medical doctor who had just come from a conference and was returning home. She told me she had a fear of flying. I found her honesty refreshing, to say the least.
So for the next four hours, I intentionally distracted her by plying her with the most captivating, fascinating stories I could pull out of my memory bank. And she, in turn, told me stories about her victories and misadventures as a doctor. End result: it was a most relaxing plane ride for the two of us! My feelings of gloom and doom disappeared.
Then disaster struck after we landed. The person who promised to fetch me from the airport (because I was bringing a package for her) didn’t come. Frantic, I called her – only to find out that she was home and didn’t even bother to reach me. Oh well. I told myself (with livid conviction) that – God help me – I’d never do that to anyone.
So my alarming situation was this: I was alone in a strange city where I didn’t have friends I could call for help, and it was my first time there.
Then out of the blue, this amazing shaft of sunshine pierced through my personal darkness, at 11:50 pm, in the dead of night, in that airport: the airline staff, learning of my predicament, offered to bring me to a nearby hotel where I could spend the night, before going to the conference the next day. Amazing kindness.
But suddenly, another ray of sunshine came: the doctor, my plane seatmate, quickly said, “Oh! No need to bring her to a hotel. My son is picking me up now so we’ll take her home with us and bring her to her conference tomorrow!” The airline staff smiled and said, “Oh, ma’am, that’s so sweet of you! May we have your name, address, and contact details please, so we know where to get in touch with you, in case we have to?” I thought that was quite thorough… and made me feel so secure and cared for.
Amazingly, the good things didn’t stop coming yet!
When we arrived at the doctor’s house – a big, luxurious, welcoming home – there was hot food waiting for us! My favorite food (which we talked about on the plane): Szechuan food! The doctor remembered.
How they managed to have the food delivered to the doctor’s house at 2am is still a mystery to me. We chatted till about 3am, then I pampered myself with a warm shower and a good night’s sleep. They assured me that I could sleep in as much as I wanted to because her son was bringing me downtown, to the Hilton, where the conference was. I found out that it was a good 1.5 hours drive from the doctor’s house!!! More awesome kindness.
When I woke up and went downstairs, breakfast was ready! The good doctor left a note that she had whipped up a quick breakfast for me before leaving for a morning meeting. She also said thank you for helping her overcome her fear of flying – even for that one flight only!
To this day, the unbelievable kindness of this doctor, her son, and his wife, still astounds me. That one act of spontaneous generosity made that whole trip an unforgettable one for me.
Imagine what one act of pure unselfishness can do to change a person’s perspective in life. The good news is – we can all do it, by God’s grace.
