I love weddings.
Ever since I was small, I’ve always loved weddings. The flurry and frenzy of it all gave us a natural high, a daily dose of excitement.
If you’re Chinese, triple the list of things to do. When my youngest uncle got married eons ago, the flurry and frenzy began a year before the engagement ceremony or “ting hun”.
There was a showcase of traditional things that had to be bought and displayed at the engagement party, which was like a “practice wedding.” If you could afford it, there were two separate engagement receptions — one for the bride’s side, another for the groom’s, on different evenings. Our family couldn’t afford that, so we settled for only one engagement reception.
I happily tagged along with my mom and aunts as they bought set upon set of jewelry for the bride — diamonds in white gold and yellow gold. The number of sets had to be an even number. So they got eight sets of jewelry for the bride — a decent number. Not extravagant. Just right. Each set had a necklace with matching earrings, a ring, and bracelet. There had to be expensive watches, too, for the bride and groom to put on each other during the ting hun, along with their engagement rings. We also had to buy expensive shoes, hand bags, silk and embroidered cloths for the bride. Again, all in even numbers.
Different kinds of Chinese delicacies were put into these big steamer baskets for the ting hun. In one steamer basket, the bride’s parents discreetly put in wads of cash — an estimated amount equal to the expenses of the groom’s side (our side). This was also the bride’s dowry.
I also remember different big and small appliances that my grandma bought — refrigerators, a traditional sewing machine, a cooking range, air conditioners, electric fans, etc. — all bedecked with big red ribbons as they stood on display.
The biggest gift of all was a brand new car for the newlyweds (from the parents of the bride). It was also on display — all shiny and new, with a huge red bow on top of it. My goodness. And this was just the engagement.
My grandma (a widow by then) had to sell a property just to fund the wedding of my youngest uncle who was running a high fever and was almost on the verge of vomiting (from extreme stress, I think) while standing in front of the altar, waiting for his bride. It didn’t matter that he was a doctor. He didn’t know how to treat himself. It had to be my doctor-cousin who had enough sense to give my uncle something for his fever and nausea. Right there, at the altar.
Filipino weddings, on the other hand, are much more flexible and free-wheeling. But of course, Filipino weddings can also be way more expensive than Chinese weddings — depending on how lavish the bride and groom (or their parents) want their wedding to be.
A Filipino wedding I attended recently was far, far richer than most weddings I’ve seen. It was replete with elegance, depth and substance. Things which I consider priceless. Timeless. Extremely in good taste.
It was done on this vast lawn, a lovely garden — with lots of sunshine, trees, fresh air, a perpetually cool breeze that spared us from heat and humidity, melting make-ups and sticky barongs. There were delicate white blooms scattered all over the big lawn, set in just the right places. Seamless. Serene. Everything had a genteel air to it — even the handsome young men in their sleek, black sunglasses.
We felt beautiful and regal in our gowns. No one was fretting. Most of us were smiling, chatting quietly in different places, as we waited for the bride to arrive…
Little did we know that later on, we’d be even more comfortable in another lovely garden where cocktails would be served. Soft lights, elegant graze stations all around — resplendent with foie gras, hors d’oeuvres, Spanish hams, and unlimited champagne, reds and whites. We could’ve stayed there forever! But after some unexpected fun having our revolving selves video’d at a 360-degree Video Booth, and getting our own scented candles (which our husbands made themselves, surprise, surprise!!!) we had to move to the main dining hall for dinner. Which is another story altogether. For another time.
So back to the wedding ceremony… our hearts were in our throats as the ceremony unfolded. You know — that kind of dull ache in your throat when you’re trying so hard not to cry.
We hung on every word. Because every word meant something. It was like, as one guest put it, “being in an excellent marriage seminar where you wish they’d have videos of it for sale, later!” My sentiments, exactly.
Thankfully, the sound system was good. We teared up as we intently listened to the bride and groom — as they gave honor to, and expressed their gratitude to their parents. I’m certain that any parent would want to experience this, at least once in one’s lifetime! How marvelous to be sincerely praised and honored in public, by one’s adult child — before a circle of relatives and friends. Priceless.
And here’s the thing — the bride and groom didn’t speak in tired clichés or bland generalizations. They were specific about what they were grateful for, and delightfully detailed about their fondest, funniest memories of their parents.
In fact, we got to know their parents more from their testimonies! I’m quoting what one ninang beside me said — “excellently-crafted testimonies.”
The couple was refreshingly honest and humble when they asked for forgiveness from their parents — for hurting them (as we’ve all hurt our parents in thoughtless ways). They asked forgiveness for taking their parents for granted. For not saying “I love you” more often. For mistaking their parents’ concern as meddling. So many raw realizations…for me, this was one of the most touching parts of the wedding.
There was nary a dry eye in that lovely garden. More so, we were touched when the bride and groom honored God and talked about how Jesus continues to transform them into better individuals. We were astounded. Quietly astounded. It was a stunning tribute to God.
And, true to form, God responded with such graciousness and magnificence. At the perfect time, a spectacular sunset suddenly filled the horizon — just as the bride and groom said their wedding vows to each other!
As dusk descended on us in shades of muted gold, we all clapped for the newlyweds. We clapped for God. We had just witnessed His miracle in this couple’s lives.
Earlier, before the ceremony began, we saw two happy individuals walking down the aisle as two separate lives. Now, we saw them walking out as ONE.
As we watched them, it was only natural that we prayed for them — that they’ll have a wonderful life together, with Jesus Christ at the center of it all.
Because, believe it or not, Jesus is their One and Only Insurance for Happiness — now, and for eternity.
