We’ve all experienced pain, one way or another. Some were self-inflicted. Some, inflicted by others. Some, from circumstances beyond our control. Whatever caused you or brought you pain — never waste the pain. Make something good come out of it. Because pain is a given.
You must’ve heard the story about how a pearl is made. No, it’s not the proverbial grain of sand — but usually a parasite — that works its way into an oyster, mussel or clam. “As a defense mechanism, a fluid is used to coat the irritant. Layer upon layer of this coating, called ‘nacre,’ is deposited until a lustrous pearl is formed.”
The pain we have to suffer is like that irritant. We can use it to be bitter or better. To become stronger or weaker. To build ourselves up or have a meltdown. It’s always a choice. Our choice.
How can we use the pain to our advantage?
1. Learn the lesson. If the pain is self-inflicted — meaning, we made a wrong or sinful choice — then we have to suffer the consequences. We have to admit that we did wrong, committed a mistake, or sinned. We must take responsibility. We mustn’t rationalize or justify. We mustn’t lie to get off the hook. We must not make excuses. We mustn’t blame others. To the best of our ability, and if it’s possible, we must correct our error. We must make restitution, try to compensate for, or lessen the damage we’ve done.
For example, if you slandered or gossiped about someone and it destroyed that person’s reputation, you must apologize to that person, and also clear that person’s name to those who heard you gossip and slander him/her. It’s the least you can do. Imagine that you were the one slandered — wouldn’t you want your name cleared, too?
2. Forgive your offender. Even if s/he doesn’t ask for forgiveness. Don’t become bitter because that makes you a hostage to the offender.
As someone once said, “When you forgive, you set a prisoner free — and that prisoner is you.” More importantly, because you know how much it hurts, resolve never to do to others what your offender did to you.
3. Be compassionate because you know how it feels to suffer, to be in pain. Reach out to hurting people who God puts in your life. Comfort them with the comfort that God has given you.
If it will be helpful, share your painful experiences with them to make a connection, to let them know that you understand, that you’re not looking down on them (but withhold names so as not to slander others).
4. Ask for help if you need it. Be humble. Give others a chance to help you. But never abuse their kindness.
5. Use the pain to strengthen your character.
6. Don’t use your pain to exploit others or to get their sympathy. Instead, use it to help those who have no voice, who don’t know how to get themselves out of a painful situation.
7. Remove yourself from a situation that repeatedly inflicts pain on you — from physical/verbal/emotional abuse, sexual molestation, bullying, sexual harassment at the workplace, etc.
Do not accept more abuse. Get help. Distance yourself from your abuser. Allowing yourself to be harmed — or not — is your choice alone.
For example, I have a friend who was sexually abused by her own father for years. For decades, she was bitter and sexually promiscuous. But when she surrendered her life to Christ, and had regular biblical counseling, she got out of her parent’s house. She distanced herself from them until she was ready to confront her father — all under the guidance of her counselors. (In some cases, confrontation is not advisable or necessary. Get help from Christian counselors.)
My friend eventually forgave her parents and became one of the best counselors for abused women in a counseling organization. She used her pain to help others.
There are many, many other ways to make something good come out of something bad. God can always make something good out of our pain. It doesn’t hurt to ask Him how.
As Joseph said to his brothers who plotted to kill him, threw him down a cistern (something like a deep well), and sold him into slavery:
“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good, to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” (Genesis 50:20)
Joseph, after being a slave for years, and after being unjustly imprisoned, eventually became the prime minister of Egypt, the second most powerful man, next in rank only to the pharaoh. His years of pain and suffering were used by God to train him for a position of great honor and power.
For sure, God wants us to use our pain to become the person He wants us to be. We may never become a prime minister or the boss of anyone, but we can become the best version of ourselves, if we use our pain for God’s purposes.
Don’t waste your pain.
