We’ve all probably heard some awesome stories — or horror stories — about in-laws. Parents-in-law, children-in-law, etc. who got into your family because they married into yours. You know the saying: “When you marry, you don’t just marry a person. You marry a family.”

It can be a blessing. It can be a curse.

By God’s grace, I married into a family that was, and still is, a blessing to me. When my husband was still my boyfriend, I met each member of his family. I got to know them over time.

For example, whenever my boyfriend was sick or had a bad cold, and couldn’t fetch me to bring me to school (he went to Ateneo, I went to nearby UP Diliman), my boyfriend’s mom would fetch me and bring me to school. Incredible kindness, isn’t it? His family invited me to their family events – reunions, birthdays, baptisms, etc. so we had lots of time to talk and interact.

I knew, for sure, before we got married, that my husband’s family was very mabait (very kind), funny, well-mannered, tactful. They loved to eat, but also loved to drink (well, only the men). They were financially well-off but humble. They didn’t have any debts. Their properties and cars were all paid for.

They were generous. For example, they took into their home two or more nieces and nephews who needed financial help while they were studying — and treated them as part of the family. I didn’t see my husband’s family looking down on them or treating them like househelp.

After years of knowing them, I knew I was marrying a kind-hearted husband who was raised in a kind-hearted, upstanding family.

Which led me to make a short list of how to be a good in-law. Never too late to become one!

1. This is MAJOR: Take care of your own elderly or ill parents yourself. Don’t try to escape and dump the responsibility on a sister- or brother-in-law who’s under duress to do it. That’s abusive, exploitative behavior. For example, my sisters-in-law took care of their mom themselves. They took full responsibility. My husband shared with the expenses, of course. But my sisters-in-law never expected me to take care of their own mother.

2. Respect boundaries — don’t just suddenly borrow something without asking permission.

Don’t just suddenly drop by without asking first.

3. Do your personal errands yourself: buy your kids’ or parents’ supplies and medicines yourself. Book their doctors’ appointments yourself. Look for your own yayas or caregivers yourself. Whatever you can do yourself, do it yourself. Don’t pass on the burden to your in-laws, no matter how accommodating they are.

4. As much as possible, don’t borrow money from your in-laws unless it’s for a crucial reason. Or unless they offer to loan you money because they want to help you. But never borrow for luxuries.

5. Always show gratitude, treat them to a nice dinner, or give them a nice thank you gift, whenever your in-laws do something big for you. It’s plain GMRC. Don’t take your in-laws’ kindness for granted.

6. Never ever act in a rude, disrespectful manner towards your in-laws. Don’t raise your voice at them, curse at them, order them around — for whatever reason. Have mercy on yourself. Unless you want to destroy your own reputation. Remember, CCTVs abound.

Neighbors are witnesses. Any offensive, abusive behavior will always leak out, somehow.

7. If you’re angry or frustrated with your sibling, don’t harass or backbite or attack your sibling’s spouse. Leave your in-laws out of your family squabbles.

8. Be generous and kind to your in-laws because one day, you just might need their help!

Like when you’re sick. Or if you desperately need their connections. Or might have to borrow their car or driver. Think ahead. Make your deposits now.

9. If your in-laws are famous, influential or wealthy, don’t name drop. Don’t use their names to get leverage. Don’t use their connections without their permission. That’s pond scum behavior.

10. Speak well of your in-laws. Don’t make coarse jokes or snide remarks about them. But refuse to be an accomplice either. Don’t lie or cover up for them. When you have to tell the truth about them, and it happens to be negative – just be factual and honest about it.

This list is apparently far from exhaustive. But if we follow these simple, basic rules, we can be a blessing — not a curse — to our own in-laws.

All it takes is integrity, human decency, and plain GMRC to be a good in-law.