By NOEL FERRER
We’ve been toying with this Living Eulogy project for a long time. Wouldn’t it be nice for those we care about to hear the eulogy we created for them? As Cardinal Tagle told us when we asked for his advice on this matter, “Why do we save our nicest thoughts for someone until after they’ve died? Why not share how much our loved ones mean to us now, before they’re gone?”
Consider what you would say to a person if you thought you would never see him/her again. Take a few minutes and write down what you would say, with as many specific examples as possible. Don’t overthink: It can be both dashed off and straight from the heart. Think of it as a eulogy for the living.
During the past months, we have known and attended wakes and memorial services of friends and colleagues, including Mario Bautista, Deo Endrinal, Dingdong Eduque, Ronaldo Valdez, Ethel Ramos, Mario Dumaual, Romy Vitug, and just recently, Jaclyn Jose.
One of the most touching eulogies I’ve encountered during the ceremonies for our first Filipina Cannes Best Actress was that of Jake Ejercito’s, the father of Ellie, Jaclyn’s granddaughter by Andi Eigenmann. Jake said, “The trials Andi and I faced brought me and Tita Jane even closer. Siya ang kausap ko sa phone kapag may problema. Siya ang kainuman ko kapag may mas malaking problems.”
During those tough times with Andi, Jake related how Jaclyn would intervene so that he could see his daughter. Jake recalled, “There were just too many ways in which she would help me. But what stands out for me was during the times when I was dying to see or spend time with my daughter but couldn’t. Tita was the one who would help me find ways.
“Kahit among oras kahit nasa taping pa siya, she would go out of her way para makasama ko si Ellie,” he continued. “Tita, if you’re listening, salamat sa lahat-lahat and I’m sorry.
Napakabigat nito, Tita. Nagpaalam ka na lang bigla. Ang daming ‘sana.’ Sana naibalik pa natin kung paano tayo dati. Sana nahingan kita ng advice sa trabaho natin. Sana nakaeksena man lang kita… Sana napadalas pa sa ’yo si Ellie. Sana kinumusta kita nung malungkot ka at nag-iisa. Tita, sana makabawi ako sa’yo through Ellie.
“Pero huwag kang mag-alala dahil tinuruan mo ako at pinakita at pinaramdam mo sa akin kung paano maging mabuting magulang. Ellie would be okay Tita, hindi ko siya pababayaan,” he added.
That was such an assuring testimonial of Jake that could have been more powerful had those been said while his Tita Jaclyn were still alive.
Vice Ganda had a similar thought during an episode of “It’s Showtime.” “Sinasabi ko nga kay Anne Curtis, parang gusto kong magpa-eulogy. Sabi ni Anne, ‘Bakit ang morbid mo?’
“Hindi, kasi pag eulogy, ‘yung namamatay, ‘yung malalapit sa iyo na tao, pamilya mo, best friend mo, ang dami nilang sinasabing magaganda tungkol sa iyo. Naririnig ka pa ba nila?
Patay ka na. Hindi ka na nila maririnig. Bakit hindi natin sabihin sa mga espesyal na okasyon, pag birthday, ‘di ba?,” stressed Vice.
“Bakit mag-aantay tayo ng eulogy?” he added. “Kasi pag ginagawa natin ‘yun, there are so much love left unspoken, ‘di ba? Ang daming pagmamahal na hindi nasasabi. Tapos, sasabihin na lang pag kailan patay? Bakit hindi natin sasabihin pag birthday, ‘di ba…
pangkaraniwang okasyon. Kasi nga hindi natin hawak ang bukas. So dahil hindi natin alam kung masasabi pa natin ito bukas, sabihin na natin ngayon.”
With these insights from Jake and Vice Ganda, we cannot escape the reality of talking about death and passing on. Why? The first is we cannot turn down being asked to speak at the funeral celebrations for someone who means a great deal to us. The second is because waiting until a person is dead to fully acknowledge their place in our hearts can be hard to live with. It would really be better for those we care about to hear the eulogy we created for them, right?
Instead of reflecting on our feelings of gratitude, let’s share them. Let’s build bridges, strengthen relationships, and show those who’ve made a difference in our lives why they’re so important to us. And let’s start right here, right now.
And so actor Edu Manzano’s Facebook shout out last weekend – a quote from a philosopher – resonated with me. It said, “Everything you say in funerals should be said at birthday parties instead. We leave so much unspoken.” This is what we should aspire for – an immediate positive impact on feelings of well-being and connectedness. Let’s do this before it’s too late.