Annette Gozon-Valdes shares eight powerful love lessons from her eight-year marriage to actor-businessman Shintaro Valdes.
Multi-hyphenated boss Annette Gozon-Valdes (GMA’s senior vice president for programming, talent management, worldwide and support group and president of GMA Films) shared profound insights on relationships during an exclusive interview with Meet the Press on Spotify.
As she celebrates her eighth year of marriage to actor-businessman Shintaro Valdes, what are the eight most valuable love lessons we can learn from Annette’s journey?
Put Jesus in the center of the relationship. “We are very family oriented. My dad is the typical strong person, the big boss. My mom is also a strong person but like what was written in the Bible – and I know a lot of people may disagree with me on this – it’s tried and tested that the woman should submit to her husband. Ako hirap ako diyan, kasi ako, achiever, lawyer, pero natuto rin akong magsubmit, and when I did, parang magic power. So I said, parang may something when you follow what the Bible says, parang it’s beyond our control and it’s God at work. Put Jesus in the center of the relationship. Let the husband love his wife and the wife submits. And it’s unconditional ha, kahit hindi ka minamahal ng asawa mo, it is your responsibility kay God to love your partner. He will work things out with His power and magic.”
Don’t be a judger. “Kakaiba ang love story namin ni Shintaro. Facebook friends kami , because usually inaaccept ko naman ang friend request ng mga artista to see kung puwedeng makatulong sa network. Once he saw me in a restaurant and he said na I saw you, hindi ko naman talaga siya nakita, malabo ang mata ko. Reputation niyan dati, playboy, so I didn’t want that. He was persistent in messaging and I wouldn’t answer until he said that “so you’re a Laker fan,” so I answered ‘Yes, I love Lakers.’ He shot back, ‘Aside from the Lakers, what else do you love?’ So I answered. ‘I love Theology,’ to totally shut him off. But instead of being turned off with my answer, he said. “I also love Theology.’
“So what I did was I quizzed him about faith and theology. Nagulat ako, ang bilis niyang sumagot. Tama lahat ha. So napapahiya ako nang napapahiya, at unti-unti I found out na seryoso pala siya. He also surrendered his life to the Lord. So I prayed to God and said sorry that I judged him earlier on. After that, we already became friends.”
Don’t be afraid to give marriage another try.
“I know a lot people na after a failed marriage ayaw nang magpakasal. But since I’m a Christian, kung nag relationship ako, kailangang magpakasal. So when you enter a relationship , it’s with a view that it is a lifelong commitment, a sacrament, it’s a covenant with the Lord. So there, I got married again.”
Be like Christ. “It helped that we started our relationship based on faith, based in theology. Nakita ko na totoo ang faith niya, and in helped that he’s God centered. But I’m not saying that our relationship didn’t go through challenges, lahat naman may challenges, ‘di ba? When you enter into something – like a relationship – it trains you to be more like Jesus. Nandyan na ang sacrifice, ‘yung patience, and when you see that working, it is aligned with what God wants you to be – to be more like Jesus in everything that you do.”
Go beyond looks. “I’m never one who goes for physical looks. That’s not my basis when I get attracted to a person. I like that we can converse, even argue. I’m lucky that even if that’s not my basis, I married someone who, other people say, looks like Clark Kent still. “
Sacrifice is the grandest gesture of love. “Put God at the center of your relationship to keep the romance alive. Nawawala ang romance, because romance is not true love, it’s not real love. Real love is a commitment, it is sacrificing for each other. Real love is not a feeling, it is when you’ve gone through so much together and you’ve stuck to each other through thick and thin; because sacrifice is the grandest gesture of love.”
Integrate your partner with your family. “My dad is very conservative. And coming from a failed marriage, when I separated, then annulled, I was in my 40s, I stayed with my parents. I had to go home and sleep there everyday and had a midnight curfew. At the start of my relationship with Shintaro, wala, my parents didn’t like this new relationship. Years after, I guess it’s their fear of artistas na heartbreakers – and Shin had wives before, but when they saw na tumatagal, at totoo naman pala, mabait naman sa akin at loyal, then they were willing to get to know him already. Now, he’s the favorite. Sometimes when I’m abroad, he would dine with my dad. He suddenly became like an adopted child. When we were in a cruise, because they are early risers, my dad will always look for Shin already for breakfast and for everything.
“We prayed for that. It’s hard to have a failed marriage. God is the refiner. So we are being refined like silver. Hindi agad agad ibibigay lahat. You have to work and show na this is true, this is sincere, saka Niya ibibigay – in God’s perfect timing talaga. Everything just comes together. Lalong nagiging valuable for all of us.”
Pray for the right person. “If you’re single and you’re looking for someone, you pray to God to give you the right person. Pero kung hindi ibigay, hindi rin ganoon ka OK ikasal lalo na kung ipipilit mo lang. It’s not a fairy tale. It’s something that will make go through a lot of trials to make you a better person. Lahat – even in your being single – trial din ‘yan to make you a better person.
“Hindi asawa mo ang magpapabuo sa iyo. It’s not a marriage that will make you happy and complete you. It is God and you!”
