Our best and our worst comes out in a crisis. It’s like a litmus test. Our true colors come out.
During this pandemic, the crisis level suddenly shot up for everyone I know – whether they admit it or not.
All of a sudden, scores of people lost their jobs. Overnight, businesses crashed. Like a plague, depression killed people faster than Covid. Domestic violence soared, and continues to. Divorce rates reached an all-time high in some countries. Politics, typhoons, earthquakes, wildfires added to the cauldron of calamities we were tossed into.
Maybe the worst thing that could happen happened to you: a loved one died of Covid or some other sickness that couldn’t be treated because there was no room for them at the inn – no space in the hospital. Or your loved one died in a hospital, while taking care of the sick.
No one is exempt. Everyone is facing his own battle. It has been said that this pandemic is a giant reset button designed to reveal our true character.
What are you like in a crisis?
I have a friend who immediately went out and brought cooked food, water, masks and toiletries to the medical staff in the hospitals nearest her. She’s not rich by any means. But she dug deep into her savings and gave help. Whatever help she could afford.
Then I have this other friend who’d cook food, pool together donations from her friends, and a group of them would go to squatter areas to distribute cooked food and relief goods. Some of these women are extraordinarily beautiful. Yet they waded into lakes of humanity to deliver care packs.
They did it as private citizens. They didn’t have to be in a church or organization to do what they did.
Then there’s this young, single doctor we know who’s been working in the Covid trenches since March. Nine months, non-stop. He’s been tested for Covid several times already. Each time, my husband would pray with him over the phone for God to spare him from Covid. Sometimes this young doctor would cry briefly, during the phone call – from sheer fatigue. One day, his grief plunged to even darker depths. His brother died from kidney failure. The hospitals couldn’t accommodate his brother. This was at the height of the pandemic. This young doctor’s grief was unfathomable.
Perhaps you’ve had a loved one infected by Covid. The panic, the fear, the dread is real. Never hesitate to ask for help. There’ll be people who’ll be willing to help, if you ask them nicely. Without making demands. Just be humble about it. Humility is key.
Never be entitled. Never think your friends or relatives owe you. Never bear a grudge against those who you think should’ve helped – but didn’t. You have absolutely no right to think that way. Harboring bitterness doesn’t make you better than them. It just makes you worse.
I was talking to a friend who was so embittered that some of her relatives “didn’t even try to help.” Two of her siblings had contracted Covid. Both survived, thank God. It was her friends who came through for her. Bitterness was eating her up. I could see it.
I listened to her rant. It was a long rant.
Then I asked her a question:
When any of these relatives were in trouble, facing their own crises – were you there for them? Did you help them in any way?
She was stunned into silence.
So I asked her another question: Did these relatives ever help you or your family in the past? Did you receive any kindness from them?
Very softly, she said yes.
Then I asked her a follow-up question: Are they really in a position to help you during this pandemic? Could they be having their own crises right now?
Again, silence.
I told her something like this – “Obviously you owe them an apology. If you’re too proud to do that, then at least, admit it to yourself and confess it to God. Your selfishness has clouded your judgment. You have gratitude amnesia. You have forgotten their past kindness just because they’re unable to help you now. Remember – you weren’t even there for them when they had their own crises. What right do you have to expect help from them? They have given to you but you’ve not given back – even by just thinking well of them, or by giving them the benefit of the doubt. It’s pure selfishness snd ingratitude on your part.”
She cried.
We’re good friends, so we’ve given each other permission to talk straightforwardly to each other.
In life, when we ask for help and receive it, just remember that God has appointed those people to be His arms and legs at that point in time, and in that particular situation. Bear no grudge against those who weren’t appointed to help you.
If some people are just plain selfish that’s why they don’t help others, well then, let God be the judge of that. Not us. Because we don’t see the big picture. We don’t have all the facts.
Ask help if you need it. Be thankful to those who help you. God appointed them for such a time as this. However, never bear a grudge against those who didn’t come through for you. Remember that you didn’t come though for everyone, either, even if you could. We’re so good at finding fault in others, but so blind to our own.
We should not even expect help from those we have helped. Bottom line, whatever we give to others comes from God. We are just His arms and legs!
