One time, I was working with a group of friends on a project, and our overall coordinator happened to be the CEO of a huge company. So he was personally sending us emails (not his platoon of secretaries) as he did his job as our coordinator. He replied fast when I asked him anything. Even the most trivial questions. He was courteous and so respectful. I almost forgot that this was a very, very busy CEO of a huge company that I was coordinating with!
It was a singular lesson for me on humility, finesse, and unflappable class. This man really had class.
On the other hand, I’ve coordinated with “little bosses” (people with just a little bit of position and authority) who thought they were unreachable CEOs. They didn’t bother to reply, to acknowledge receipt of emails – not even a simple “Got it. Thanks.” Rude. Crass. No manners at all, no finesse, no courtesy or respect.
So I was thinking: you can be a top honcho, the taipan, The Godfather, the big kahoona – and still have a lot of humility and class. Or you can be a little boss whose little title has gone to his head.
I told myself – it’s always a choice. The best leaders always choose to be humble, respectful, and courteous.
We’ve seen too many good people undone, destroyed, decimated by pride. It’s more infectious than Covid. It’s more disfiguring than cancer. And it’s more debilitating, too.
I must confess that I have very, very little compassion for pretentious, abusive, obnoxious people who become train wrecks because of pride.
In fact, I must confess – yet again – that I’ve secretly gloated, was even giddy with glee, when I witnessed their torturous descent. Totally unloving, right? Totally unchristian.
I’m really so sorry about that. So I’m writing this as some sort of atonement. And a warning for all of us, as well.
I watched the downfall of five decent, good men from positions of power. High octane positions. They started well – humble, forthright, compassionate, hard-working, dedicated, loaded with integrity.
I watched their wardrobes change. Their choice of cars. Houses. Accoutrements of success. Even their close friends, their inner circles changed. They conveniently discarded people they didn’t need anymore. They cunningly replaced them with connections to higher heights. They became panderers to the rich and powerful. But became dictators to the ones below them.
They became very Machiavellian – and astute boot lickers, too. There was no boot they weren’t willing to lick, just to get to a higher position. “Image” was now more important to them than Integrity. The limelight was more alluring now than quiet, backroom meetings that got the job done.
Their descent came at different speeds. Some were slow and almost imperceptible. Some were visible to the naked eye – they lost their clout and influence in stages… painful stages that must have been pure torture. The others hurtled down from their high horses with lightning speed. One day they were up there, the next, they hit rock bottom. And their fair-weather friends quickly disappeared.
One of them went to my husband to beg for a job. My husband found him one, quickly.
So now that I’m 69, I think I’ve earned enough battle scars to say that even a very good man/woman can be totally undone by pride. Like the Bible’s Saul and David – we can be up there today, and down in the pit tomorrow, clawing our way up, for dear life.
So here are a few of my personal life lessons on not being undone by pride.
- Remember where you came from. And who helped you get to where you are now. It does not hurt to be grateful, and not forget your beginnings.
- Choose your friends. Don’t discard old, faithful friends whose good character you’ve seen tried and tested.
- Be vigilant about your motives: who and what are you doing this for?
- Always ask yourself: Do I treat my subordinates with as much respect as my higher-ups or upscale connections?
- Am I the same person in private and in public?
- Do I love the limelight? Do I love flaunting my power, position, achievements?
- Am I as eager to reveal my mistakes as much as I advertise my victories?
- Will I work just as hard if I knew someone else would get the credit for it?
- Do I give credit where credit is due?
- Do I cultivate relationships so that I can use them to push my personal agendas?
Just ten little things that I’ve used as guard rails for myself. I’m sure there are more.
My last point – I remember my boss who was very humble even if she seemed to have it all: beauty, intelligence, old money, unerring elegance, and connections. I asked her, over dinner: How come you’re so humble?
She paused a bit, took a sip of water, then replied, “I’m not humble. But I try my best to control it. Because ever since I was small, I noticed that lots of bad things happen to proud people. I’m scared of bad things happening to me because of pride.”
For me, at 26, that answer was God-given and unforgettable. Decades later, I saw that without her knowing it, my boss was right.
Because here’s what I read in the Bible when I became a Christian: “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
Of course, if it’s God Who’s opposing you, you can never win. Proud people can never win.
It’s the classiest reason I’ve seen to be humble.
