Looking back and reminiscing about people we “liked and lost” ages ago can be such an intense topic at reunions. It’s not always a sad thing, though. It can be liberating and hilarious – yet poignant as well.
We sometimes lose people because we made the wrong choices. Sometimes we lose them through no fault of our own… just circumstances beyond our control that didn’t work in our favor. But nevertheless, remembering the ones who got away brings a certain sadness. Even profound regrets.
The romantic angle to this is the prevalent one, of course. “The one who got away” could’ve been a high school or college crush who got away because we were too scared, clumsy, or over-eager that we turned them off, annoyed them to death because we didn’t want them to know we liked them. Or simply lost them to someone else who was more aggressive or charming. These ones we lost because we were too young and inexperienced.
‘So, when you remember the ones who got away, pay close attention to the ones who are still in your life now. Don’t ever, ever make the same mistake. Don’t let the good ones get away again.’
I had a prom date who I tortured the whole night with exaggerated stories about my past crush – just so he wouldn’t think I liked him. Well, mission accomplished. He never called after that.
The ones who got away when we were young adults are probably the tragic, heart-wrenching, depressing ones. Because as young adults, many of us were still too immature and insecure to have healthy relationships. So there are people who still pine for an ex who they took for granted, who broke off with them and left, then found someone else who treated them better – and now have a great marriage.
Or the one who got away could’ve been a suitor who you rejected (because you didn’t see his potential then) – but later it turns out that he’s such a good, decent person who became a whopping success. A keeper. While you ended up with a lemon. Now THAT is tragic, beyond words.
The one who slipped through your fingers could be someone you had a serious relationship with – maybe you were even planning on getting married. But tensions arose, fights became frequent, your career became more important, etc. so you broke up. Then you realize years later that YOU were the one who was unreasonable and started most fights. A few years later, you hear that s/he got married to someone way nicer and more successful than you – and they’re a very happy couple. Arggggh, right?
But the ones who got away aren’t just in our romantic realm – in our stupidity, we also lose good people at work (when we don’t treat them well, don’t appreciate them or reward them). We lose premium-quality friends who we took for granted, used, betrayed, or slandered. We lose great business partners who we exploited or treated unfairly. We lose a wonderful spouse who couldn’t take our flings or excesses or brutal selfishness anymore.
We can lose good people in different areas of our life – and we have to live with deep regrets if it’s our fault that we lost them.
The choice is simple. To be bitter, stay stuck in the past, and keep committing the same relationship blunders. Or to be better (trite but true) – and learn from our mistakes. Relationship mistakes are one of the worst things we can ever make.
So when you remember the ones who got away, pay close attention to the ones who are still in your life now. Don’t ever, ever make the same mistake.
Don’t let the good ones get away again.
