It’s probably safe to say that, many times in our lives, we’ve all been on the giving and receiving end of things. Some intentional, some spontaneous. But often with very, very good results!
Assuming that what’s being given or received is a good thing – there’s something about giving that makes us feel good. And there’s also something about receiving that makes us feel good. Endorphins galore.
Wouldn’t it be such an idyllic arrangement if we all gave as much, and as often, as we received good things? But alas, that’s not always so!
Because there are people who take, and just keep taking, way more than they give.
That’s why we should have this principle and practice called “Reciprocity”. We shouldn’t just be Takers. We should be Givers, too!
There’s a plethora of situations that come to mind.
For example, takers expect others to keep treating them out, keep paying for their meals, coffee, etc., just because others can afford it or are always offering to.
This is what I call “the exploitation of the rich.” (Yes you can laugh. The rich can be exploited, too!) It’s better to pay the bill next time. To give back, somehow. My husband and I do this as a practice, and our friends always get pleasantly surprised that we had settled the bill beforehand, or told them ahead of time that “this is our treat” – thereby avoiding the mad scramble to get the bill from the waiter!
If you cannot afford to return the favor (maybe your friend’s taste is way over your budget), then give a beautiful, no-occasion gift that they’ll surely like or enjoy!
But no cheap gifts, please – this will only show stinginess. A gift of value (but within what you can afford) will speak volumes. Think of what the recipient will like – not what YOU like, or what’s convenient for you to give. Many people fail in this area.
A gesture like this, done with sincerity, will keep the integrity of your friendship, your relationship. Your friend will know that you’re not mooching off on him/her – you’re giving back, according to what you can afford. There is reciprocity. Not exploitation.
Reciprocity covers other things too – like when someone does us a service or a favor, or plays a major role in giving us the break we sorely needed. Maybe an amazing, life-changing job that came because of someone’s help. We should reciprocate with a commensurate gift. Or an act of service. Let’s be grateful and express it beyond words.
For example, I had four bosses in different offices who gave us (their key staff) beautiful gifts of appreciation on our birthdays and Christmas. They gave us special gifts. Not generic gifts – not what the rest of the staff were given. They also opened doors for us for further training abroad, or gave us privileges to build our own houses, have extra cars.
It was a clear, stunning sign of how much they valued our hard work – the work we did beyond the call of duty. How did we feel about being appreciated this way? We felt valued.
We felt appreciated. We felt recognized. Not exploited.
It’s very easy for bosses to exploit their staff. They can rationalize it by saying it’s part of their subordinate’s job anyway. This is unfair, demeaning and demoralizing. That’s how we lose our best people.
Or how about showing the same kind of concern for others who have been helpful, thoughtful and generous to us? If they’ve been there for us in our times of crises – with their prayers, financial help, concern, and attention, we should try to do the same for them!
We should go the extra mile. Take the effort. Be intentional in reaching out, giving back, not just paying it forward.
If, by chance, you have a rude awakening – if you discover that there are people in your life who are exploiting your kindness and availability; or are making you feel beholden, that’s why you keep giving out of guilt or obligation, then stop. Stop it already.
If our help and kindness are not reciprocated, no need to feel bitter because God will reward us for the good we’ve done for others, in His Name. He will compensate us.
But it’s also equally right to set up healthy boundaries. Stop being abused or exploited.
There are others who also need our help, care, and counsel.
Reciprocity is intentional. It curbs entitlement, greed, and exploitation. It encourages us to give value to others, to show them our gratitude and appreciation.
Reciprocity gives our relationships balance and integrity.
