‘It all boils down to good and compelling content and good word of mouth as imperatives’
IT’S our half-a-birthday today!
We got the idea from the founder of SPIT (Manila’s premier improv theater group), Third World Improv (the only improv theater school in the Philippines), and Vivita Philippines Charities; a writer, theater artist, singer, tour guide, applied improviser, teacher and retired benign intestinal bacteria advocate Gabe Mercado, a friend of three decades who has moved to Baguio in 2019.
Gabe made it a point a few years ago to commemorate his birthday six months before it actually happens, because December is the busiest time of the year for everyone and it becomes difficult to take stock and reflect or even to celebrate in a meaningful way.
Similarly challenged, we’ve come to accept concerns like holiday overshadowing, combined gifts, traffic, weather, travel and scheduling conflicts and pre-vacation school work and other Christmas-related events as reasons for losing the interest in celebrating our birthday and the default of letting it roll over to Christmas is always an option – but no, however simple and austere, we still believe that we should celebrate our birthday thanksgiving always.
And so we had a late breakfast, early lunch (brunch gathering) at a neighborhood cafe last weekend for our celebration of life which included a talk on death. No, not the scary part, but the practical and heartwarming side of it.
Initially, we had the guests prepare a living eulogy for us, but the better part of us decided to take on Marla Agustin’s expertise in Parting Planner.
Marla re-channelled her grief on her mom’s passing before the pandemic, and her mom’s final gift to them was a well-prepared death. Despite her best-laid plans, however, there were many things left undone and affairs to continue.
“In the last year and a half since her passing,” Marla said, “I have gone through banks, insurance companies, government offices, lawyers, etc. to resolve any unfinished business left by my parents and grandparents. At times it is enlightening, occasionally even entertaining, but for the most part frustrating. All because those who came before us didn’t want to think about what would happen when they were gone nor did they allow anyone else to.”
The Parting Planner is usually a 2-3 hour workshop that is the product of what Marla had to go through all these years. For the participants, the objective is to create a plan (in anticipation of a loved one’s death) that saves them from bad and expensive decisions at a difficult time. Marla’s personal mission is to help people keep their sanity through it all.
Whether imminent or eventual, the notion of death is frightening in the large part due to the helplessness we feel when it happens. The workshop aims to give participants a sense of control by understanding the implications and administrative requirements of a death in the family. The plan is created in three phases:
Pre-Parting: Get ahead with the situation with an awareness that you can secure, assets to manage, and resources to consolidate while your loved one is around to answer your questions (and sign stuff). And while there is time, identify any issues and create your contingencies.
Parting: Death triggers a chain of events that can be overwhelming. A well laid-out plan helps you get through the difficult time when the most critical steps are ready for implementation. Know what you’ll need, again to save you from bad and/or expensive decisions made under a cloud of grief.
Post-Parting: Some of the hardest times come after a loved one is buried. Ease the difficulty of your new reality by understanding what you need to navigate when settling and closing their affairs.
The birthday brunch was an abridged version of the Parting Planner. More than that, it was a good exchange of reflections on our preparedness for death, the things we still want to do before we die and our “Half-fy Birthday, Half-fy Habilins.”
There were interesting and varied answers from the team composed of Marla and Roy Agustin, Jen Ferrer-Ramirez, Cholo Mallillin, Candice Alabanza-Iyog, Dean Randy Tuano, John Burtkenley Ong, Atty. Paul Salanga, Atty. Butch San Juan, Hans Montenegro and Direk Lino Cayetano. Most of them made “habilins” to take care of their kids whom they would be leaving behind. Most of us wanted cremation as it would be more practical and less painful to mount. Songs are major considerations. Gabe with his Improv Group SPIT has a menu of happy funeral program ideas, including having standees with wacky poses, an audio-visual presentation on the cause of death with answers to frequently asked questions during the wake and a meaningful ritual with eulogies – from fun to serious.
But one clear reminder and assignment to us all was, aside from any wealth or earthly possessions we might want to leave our family when we die, we were asked to ease the grief of our loved ones and maintain the sanity by making sure we have copies of basic things: birth certificates, marriage certificate (if any), an inventory of bank accounts, branches, and contact persons (bank managers are some of the best friends you can make), property titles, vehicle OR/CR, insurance/memorial plan policies and numbers of a few good lawyers.
Awareness is truly empowering. We were reminded that in the event we discover there’s a problem, we shouldn’t panic. We can always figure out what to do, how, and when. Again, better now than when we suddenly actually need those. Through all of these, we should continue living our best life and make every moment count as tomorrow’s never promised.
Let’s keep reminding ourselves that the fullness of love cannot be experienced when one has not accepted the reality of death. But let’s be present, too.
Cardinal-Bishop Luis Antonio Tagle left us with very good words which would become the principle behind our soon-to-be podcast. He said. “Everything we say at funerals should be said at birthday parties instead. We shouldn’t leave so much love unspoken.”
To which we responded, “Tama ka Father, mas maganda at mas may saysay sabihin lahat – habang buhay.”
