By Cata Salazar De Jesus

The Oxford dictionary says that a bully is “a person who habitually seeks to harm or intimidate those whom they perceive as vulnerable.” It’s also “a person who coerces others to do what they want.”

Before I go on – does this definition, by any chance, describe you? Do you push people around, do you terrorize them just to get what you want?

Everyone abhors bullies. They may not say it, but they do. Many people may fear bullies — but no sane, decent person respects them. Bullies are hated, disdained, trash-talked about and laughed at, behind their backs.

When I was in grade school, I saw one of my classmates being pushed around while we were falling in line. I immediately felt this stab of pain in my gut. I’m ashamed to say that I didn’t do anything about it right away. But the second time I witnessed it, I glared at the bully and hissed, “Hey. Stop it!” When she didn’t stop, I called our teacher.

Bullies are cowards by nature. They pick on those who look weak. Deep inside, bullies see themselves as failures, losers. They are pitifully insecure people who survive by making others feel smaller and weaker than themselves. But in the process, they self-sabotage, they destroy themselves.

There are also bullies who hide behind a mask– a mask that makes them look friendly, helpful, politically correct. But once they’re at home, or in a place where they feel “safe”, their true colors come out. They’re cruel to their helpers, family members, and employees.

Some victims will cover up for them. Some will squeal on them. But “where there’s smoke, there’s fire.” No amount of deception — no matter how cleverly done — will last forever. So, beware the closet bullies.

Bullies have to bully others repeatedly to look tough, to keep assuring themselves that they’re in control… even when they’re not. Because at the end of the day, It’s God Who’s really in control.

I’m not over-spiritualizing here. I’m saying this because it’s a FACT. No matter how powerful a bully is, his/her day of suffering, of retribution, of discipline and punishment, will surely come. And what a day of agony that will be for them.

I’ve seen bullies demoted, or fired from their jobs, because too many people complained about them. I’ve seen bullies get struck by some horrible disease, a debilitating stroke or a sudden heart attack, or suffer extreme pain from a fall they never recovered from. Some were paralyzed,

Bedridden. Cut off from society. It’s like God silenced them forever.

I’ve seen bullies go bankrupt, broke, deeply in debt, jobless; humiliated for years — having to work under the very people they once bullied.

I’ve seen bullies who were abandoned, en masse, by their office staff and house help.

People will leave, or find a place to transfer to, when they’ve had enough.

Bullies are everywhere — in school, at work, in church, at the club or gym, etc. And their victims are strewn everywhere, too.

How do you stand up to a bully? Well, these aren’t clinical solutions from a psychiatrist.

These are just some things I’ve seen people do — that worked.

Stand up to them — firmly but politely — show them you aren’t scared. Easier said than done if you’re wary of confrontations. But in many cases, it works.

I’ve seen people who were shamed publicly by a boss, an older relative, a person who had more money and status. But when the “victim” mustered enough courage to be firm, to politely answer back — the bully just backed off. They folded.

Sometimes, standing up to a bully has to be done a few times. Just to convince the bully that you’re not a convenient victim anymore. In fact, he shouldn’t attack you again because he might end up humiliated. When you stand up to a bully, they learn to respect you.

Another way is to talk to the bully privately, with a person in authority, someone the bully respects. Or is scared of. Say what you have to say — in fact, list it down, lest you get too rattled or too emotional that you’ll forget. Rehearse it in front of a trusted friend. Have a short but powerful script that’ll punch your message across.

Another way to counter-attack is to politely ignore or avoid the bully, as much as possible.

Just like a stalker, a bully craves attention, any sort of response. Do not give him/her the satisfaction.

Of course, this strategy can work wonders: Kill the bully with kindness. But up to a certain point only. If your kindness is being abused or perceived as weakness, then change tactics.

Be firm. No more extra-nice gestures. Just stick to the bare minimum. Let the bully see that “I’m done turning the other cheek. I’ve forgiven you, but I’m not going to be your willing victim either.”

If you’re working in a company that has rules against bullying, then escalate the problem.

Report any bullying that you see. Even if it’s not you who’s being bullied. It’s a matter of conscience. A work culture that’s based on bullying is bound to self-destruct.

Bullies are a menace to society. There’s no excuse for bullying — even if the bully was, or is, being bullied himself. Of all people, they should know how destructive and painful it is to be bullied.

Pray for the bullies in your life to be broken — and to repent. It’s a sure thing that they’ll suffer, one day, for all the bullying they did, because God will surely exact justice and punishment. No one gets away with anything.

So all the more reason to pray for them. Pray that WHEN (not if) they finally undergo severe suffering, they’ll realize how much they’ve wronged God, wronged people, and they they’ll sincerely repent.

Because this Bible verse is pretty scary:

“Do not deceive yourselves. No one makes a fool of God; you will reap exactly what you plant. If you plant in the field of your natural desires, from it you will gather the harvest of death; if you plant in the field of the Spirit, from the Spirit you will gather the harvest of eternal life.” (Galatians 6:7-10)