Everyone wants to live a happy life. However, a natural part of living is experiencing the loss of a loved one, or something that is valued, and processing grief is a much-needed course of action.
Grieving is a personal experience and as such, PhilCare’s Director for corporate mental health Dr. Mariel Kristine Rubia said that there is no wrong or right way to grieve. There are those who clam up and keep to themselves while others prefer to talk to other people in order to process their emotions.
“There will be times that you want to talk, and there will be times that you simply just want to be silent. Sometimes, you need a distraction, and other times, all you might want to do is to talk about how you feel inside,” Rubia said.
Dr. Rubia expounded on grief, loss, and how these affect our mental health during an online forum hosted by PhilCare. She noted that grieving does not only come from the loss of a loved one; other significant losses can also trigger grief such as ending of a relationship, someone we love contracts a potentially life-threatening illness, and even losing a pet.
Models of grief were also discussed during the forum. Dr. Rubia said that the traditional Kubler-Ross five stages of grief model is not linear. The model shows that there are 5 stages of grief, namely, denial, rage, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, but grief experts say that people can pass through the 4 different stages at any given order before they finally come to terms with their loss and accept the event.
Furthermore, many people are uncomfortable with the traditional grief model, resulting in new metaphors on how grief can be expressed. This includes explaining loss as an open painful wound that needs to heal, a sign of a bond that continues and endure, and that grief never truly goes away, instead, people grow around grief as time passes.
“The loss may be raw in the early days, but as time goes on, it is important to begin to face the places and situations that you have been avoiding,” Dr. Rubia said.
For those who have difficulty moving forward, Dr. Rubia also recommends seeing a professional grief counselor who can help them in opening up and processing their feelings. “We can learn to move forward with our grief and maintain a good relationship with the dead…. Do not rush if you want to get away from the experience or move forward. Acknowledge your emotion and do something that will make you feel good about yourself,” Dr. Rubia said.
